i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
