I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
