everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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