His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize