I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
