just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Randomize
