I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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