So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
