Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
