I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
