but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize