walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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