i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
