Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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