whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
