pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
