We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
