All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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