Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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