what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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