I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I cut my penus on the lid.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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