textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You can't special order awesome
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
