genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
