My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
