i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
