don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
