Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
