she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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