i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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