To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
