Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
