Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
