the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
