Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
