I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
