I am spending my child support on dildos
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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