remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
