why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
