I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
