I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No subtext here. People are naked.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
