she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
as a side note pls kill me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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