Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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