apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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