I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
God I need to hump something, right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
