i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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