Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
