You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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