the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
