Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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