I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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