Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fuck appropriateness.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
