I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
