well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
