I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
