If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
