Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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