you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
