well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
