he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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