youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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