I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
