I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
