the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
