so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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