why didn't you poke me back
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize