My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
