i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
