first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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